OBAMA.

AKPORS SHAVES HAIR.

Akpos: asked the barber “How much for haircut?“N300” said the barber. “Akpos: how much for shaving?” N50.Very well,Oya shave my head.

AKPORS THE PORTER.

Akpos just got a job as a porter in a five star hotel in Abuja.

The manager told him:

"...in here we give every customer personalized services and you have to be very observant so you know how to address their every need even before they ask"

Before the manager could finish, a couple walked through the hotel entrance and the manager quickly approached them, nicely took their baggage and said, ...

"Welcome Mr & Mrs James, it is our delight to have you in our hotel. Please come this way to the reception"

... and he led them to the reception.

After the couple had been taken care of, Akpos asked the manager,

"Has the couple been visiting this hotel before?"

"No" came the reply from the manager.

"So how come you knew their name?" asked Akpos.

"That is why I told you to be very observant. All I had to do was quickly look at the label on their baggage while I'm taking it from them and see the name on the tag".

"Oh, here comes another couple. Why don't you give it a try?"

"Ok" said Akpos and he hurriedly approached the couple, helped them with their luggage and said,

"Welcome Mr & Mrs SUPERIOR HAND MADE LEATHER! We are delighted to have you in our hotel..."

AKPORS DON'T LIE.

Deejay: Do you smoke? Akpors: no
Deejay: Do you drink?
Akpors: No
Deejay: Do you steal
Akpors: No
Deejay: Wow i wish people like you dominates the community, the country would have been a better place
Deejay: So is there anything you do that is socially unacceptable?
Akpors: Yes, i lie

7 TYPES OF GIRLS.

THESE ARE BASICALLY 7 TYPES OF GIRLS THESE DAYS.
1. HARD DISK GIRLS: Remember everything for ever, they'll always come back for good time.
2. RAM GIRLS: Forgets about you the moment you turn her off or an upgrading version of your hardware/ software is available.
3. SCREEN SAVER GIRLS: Just for looking, beautiful but don't even think of dating them, you'll have high blood pressure, not their fault...

but it's due to popular demand.
4. INTERNET GIRLS: Difficult to access because of many pages involves to browse. At times the webpages are not accessible due to multiple log in over different I.P address.
5. SERVER GIRLS: Always busy when needed but server is always green.
6. MULTIMEDIA GIRLS: They are always available for any showdown, party riders, all night movers, their phone works better than MTN customers service, taxi is their favorite car and love to take pictures at every hotel rooms and call it home.
7. VIRUS GIRLS: These type of girls are normally called
"WIFE" once enters in your system, they will spread and overwrite your anti-virus and dominate all your important files, they will download files that are not retrievable and upgrade it to a new version after nine months andcreating more applications for you to start working with such as changing your system name to ''father'', the VIRUS GIRLS comes in just two versions, either to upgrade or downgrade, choose wisely when choosing this software, they don't leave even after formatting.
WHICH ONE OF THESE ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH? Ǧ☺☺ϑ morning

AKPORS AND THE CHEMIST

Akpors! Akpors!! Akpors!!! If dem catch u...i no fit fight oooo Akpors goes into a chemist,
reaches into his pocket and takes
out a small bottle and a teaspoon.
He pours some liquid onto the
teaspoon and offers it to the
chemist's assistant."Could you taste
this please?" says Akpors. Chemist
Assistant takes the teaspoon, put it
in his mout...

h and swills the liquid and
swallow it.. "Does it taste sweet?"
says Akpors "No, not
at all" says Chemist Assistant.
"Good" says Akpors....."the doctor
told me to come here and get my
urine tested for sugar"The Chemist
Assistant fainted

A CONVERSATION BETWEEN OCT AND NOV

A Conversation Between A Dying
Father (October) And His Son
(November)
Oct: My son I'm tired.
Nov: Why?
Oct: My time is up, I will be going
to join your forefathers.
Nov: I know, your time is over... I
will miss you Dad.
Oct: Let me tell you some things
...

before I go.
Nov: What is it Dad?
Oct: Please when I go, make sure
you take care of this person.
Nov: Who?
Oct: The person READING this
conversation of ours.
Nov: Okay.
Oct: I made some promises to this
person during my reign, I fulfilled
some, and some I couldn’t.
Nov: But why couldn’t you fulfill all
dad?
Oct: Well, my son time and human
factors affected some of the
promises....
Nov: But...
Oct: But surely, I spoke with God
on this person's behalf, and God
granted my wish that you may fulfill
the rest promises that I couldn't. So
these are the rest of the fulfillment
you will carry out on this person.
Nov: Go on dad.
Oct: Stabilize this person's health all
through your reign there shall be
no sickness! Open a direct link
between God and this person.
Nov: Done, carry on Dad.
Oct: Ensure that this person's
dreams come to reality within the
shortest period of time.
Nov: Alright.
Oct: Give this person wealth that
will touch lives of multitudes.
Nov: Surely.
Oct: Make sure that you remove all
remaining hindrances to success
from this person's way and make
the year a huge success.
Nov: I will dad, no problem!
Oct: Pay more emphasis on the
advice of this person's friends,
don't worry about that of this
person's enemies, God will take
care of that! Get it?
Nov: Yes
Oct: Finally, promise me that when
your own time is up, you will instruct
this to your offspring after offspring
(DEC & The others) to keep
positive fulfillment of this person
going!
Nov: Yes dad, may God help me!
Oct: Now I can pass to the beyond
happily! May you be prosperous!!!
Nov: Amen

DEEJAY AND AKPORS

Deejay: Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?
Akpos: Yes, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like we did in school, he wouldn’t have discovered anything. Ǧ☺☺ϑ morning.

AKPORS AND HURRICANE SANDY

HURRICANE SANDY
Here's a telephone conversation between a man in Hurricane ravaged New York and his friend Akpos in Lagos.
Akpos: I hope u guys are safe?
NY: Man all hell is breaking loose out here!
Akpos: What's going on?
NY: There is flooding everywhere
Akpos: Big deal we're used tothat!
NY: People are dying man!
Akpos: We're used to that too!
NY: Look man the power's outwe're in darkness!
...

Akpos: Welcome to our world!
NY: People can't get around no public transport.
Akpos: We just banned Okada too
NY: The phone lines are out too, I'm having to use my mobile
Akpos: Me too!
NY: The police and Emergency services are overwhelmed we don't feel safe from criminals taking advantage of the situation!
Akpos: Neither do we!
NY: Hey man did Hurricane Sandy hit u guys too?
Akpos: Na today? Since Independence oh

AKPORS........

Deejay: 2books + 2books?
Akpos: That would be 4books.
Deejay: Now, I'll ask u a tough one! 78,365 books+23,678 books?
Akpos: LIBRARY!!

AKPORS AND DOCTOR

 (AKPOS AND THE DOCTOR)
DOC: Do u do enough exercise?.. AKPOS: yes, I play Football & Tennis daily.. DOC: how long do u play?.. AKPOS: Until my Phone Battery empties

AKPORS WAS BAPTIZED

AKPOS again o...........
AkPOS was baptized and dipped in water 3 times. At the
3rd time the Pastor said: "You are now baptized. You are a
new creation the old one is gone. No more drinking of
alcohol for you. Your new name is Jacob." Jacob went back
home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a
Heienken,dipped it in water 3 times and said:"You are now
a new creation, the old one is gone. Your new name is
Orange Juice!